Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why is there bacon in the couch?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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