I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
