A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
