There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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