Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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