it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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