Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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