how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
