what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
