I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
