I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I smell stomach acid.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
