If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
