my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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