One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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