he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
