id be glad to
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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