so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
