:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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