Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
sex in a hospital.. check
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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