How'd it feel making her break her religion?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
love makes seman taste better
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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