I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You ruined the universe
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
