if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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