he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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