I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
