it hurts more in the daytime
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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