everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
