gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
