She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
