covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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