I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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