is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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