God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
