I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
