she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
