once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
