One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
