I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
