I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
