...so i touched it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
