I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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