so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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