Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
