belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
