dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
