he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
