dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
