I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
