Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
