she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just pee around me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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