i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
