Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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